It is very common to be nervous before one approaches his or her partner. Many of us have been victims of either performance anxiety or self-consciousness, or some other fear factor, at some point in time.
Below are three major ways in which not being relaxed, or bogged down with fear and anxiety can harm our sex life.
1. Alert warnings about Sex
We are warned about ways of avoiding unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases in several ways. For many of us, these warnings keep buzzing in our minds while in the bedroom. This alertness leads to unnecessary fear and anxiety that eventually hold us from enjoying the act to the fullest.
2. Unrealistic expectations based on dependency on Pornography
Most people do not receive proper sex education, and as a result, they revert to pornography for all the information and guidance. This straight away leads to unrealistic expectations for sex and results in performance anxiety.
3. Self-consciousness or Image Consciousness
This is a grave issue for many of us. We are constantly worried about our appearance, and whether we are physically appealing to our respective partners enough. Whether our body shape excites our partner is a serious issue that continuously bothers us, eventually leading to performance anxiety and ruining our moments.
So, how to relax during Sex, and how to get rid of Sexual Anxiety?
1. Mostly, it’s all in your mind!
Although sex is a physical activity, it has a more psychological impact. Sex is a physical manifestation of one’s psyche. Do not let your thoughts or tensions block your sexual desires. Rather block those worries and push them back, as you focus on your partner. Pull yourself together and get drowned in the ocean of sensations and emotions.
2. Get a reality check on your expectations
Role-play is fine, but you really do not have to do it like the carpenter from Pornhub! It is very dangerous to be carried away by the kind of content shown in the scripted and well-enacted videos of different porn websites that are shot under some production house with some fifty people working behind the camera. A porn video is just like a film. It is absolutely absurd to have sexual expectations like those where the end product is actually a result of multiple minds.
Your sexual act or experience is completely your own private aspect that should reflect your own mental drives or personal desires. It is fine to take reference for your foreplay or setting the mood for the partner, but as you go, you should better be driven by your own emotions and sensations.
3. No need to rush, Just give it time
Wait! Enjoy each moment. There is no need to rush to orgasm. You are not running a marathon to get to the finishing line. It is fine to have a quickie on a weekday, but do not make it a habit, for every time you do sex. Your lover, just like you, would want to explore your body and identify what excites you. So, move at a pace that suits you both and allows you two to enjoy every moment, and you might end up discovering something that hits the spot the best possible way.
4. Communication is the key
There is nothing like talking out your heart to your partner. Discuss about what you enjoy and guide him or her, and also ask about what your partner enjoys. Communicate about what and how you experienced during the act. But while doing so, try not to be overly critical of your partner’s performance, by focusing on what they are not doing or doing incorrectly.
5. Be confident about your partner
You need to understand one simple thing that your partner, or the person who wants to have sex with you, wants to have sex with you because you are desirable to this person. Now, this person can be a one-night stand or a long-term partner, but the point is, they chose to have sex with you because you are craved by this person. There is no need to worry about whatever imperfections you think you have; as there are chances that your partner is not even thinking about that. Once you are on the go, the focus is completely on the pleasure of the sexual journey.
6. Take awkward moments lightly and laugh off
Nobody is perfect and we are bound to make mistakes, and we are allowed to make mistakes in sex too. Of course, till those mistakes are correctable and not giving you or your partner grave problems like sexually transmitted diseases. Do not take those awkward moments or slightly cringe moments to heart, rather learn from the mistakes.
7. Setting the mood
Picking the right time and setting up the right ambience is very important. Whether it is your own house or some other place, make sure that the zeroed-in space is clean and well-fragrant. You may light a scented candle, and play some of your favorite music. All these would relax both you and your partner and you may usher in a great sexual experience.
