I wasn’t sure if I was going to post anything about this, but I wanted to share this life stage with you. Many of you started doing my workout videos when Sam and I were just dating. You saw Sam get down on one knee and propose…you saw us get married…you’re seeing us build POPFLEX… and now, I wanted to share this.
“Do you want kids?”
I finally have an answer.
Sam has always wanted to be a dad. Seriously, he told me on our first date! I didn’t think much of it then because I was so focused on my career. Even when we got married 10 years later and he wanted to start a family right away, my focus was 100% on growing POPFLEX, my first baby.
We finally went on our honeymoon a few years after the wedding, and that’s when we started trying. And we tried… for 5 years. Even as pregnancy test after test came back negative, we continued to work nonstop while the business grew beyond even my wildest dreams. Which brings us to the last couple of weeks.
Our IVF journey
It’s been A LOT.
Before we could even get started, the doctor found a 3cm cyst on my right ovary. So the very next day, they put me under to drain it. I knew this journey would be an emotional one, but right away I was feeling scared and upset with my body for “not working.”
And then, there were the injections.
Needles not only make me so anxious that I tried meditation to calm myself, but I also have vasovagal syncope (basically I faint at the sight of blood or needles). Sooo the meditation actually made things worse and I hyperventilated and cried.
Time for a new strategy because I had 4-5 injections PER DAY. I’m still not really sure how I survived, but I got through it by pre-icing for 30 minutes and clamping my belly fat with my hand while digging my nails into my skin while the needle went in. Crazy I know, but it made those two weeks bearable. Of course Sam and Sir George were there to support too. ❤️
To make things worse, my friends recommended acupuncture for better results. MORE NEEDLES?! Ugh. As much as I did not want to, I gave it a try. Anything to get as many healthy eggs as possible.
And that brings us to now! It’s been an INTENSE two weeks, but I was feeling much calmer when it came time for my egg retrieval. We got 11 eggs and 7 of them fertilized! I have no clue what will happen next, but I’m excited for “dad Sam” to hopefully live out his dream.
The decision to do IVF was a big one.
It made everything real. Even though we tried for 5 years, I have to be honest with you: when the pregnancy test came back negative, I was neither sad or happy. I was neutral. I know…
Sam has always wanted to be a father with all his heart. But, for some reason, I had never wanted motherhood as bad as Sam wanted fatherhood. It’s not that I didn’t like kids, its just that the burning desire wasn’t there for me. I don’t know why being a mom wasn’t calling me the same way being a fashion designer was.
I kept delaying the possibility of having a baby by pouring everything into my work. I kept saying “I’m not ready” and “next year”. He kept patiently waiting. Now looking back, my hesitance ended up delaying Sam’s dream as he wholeheartedly helped make mine come true.
The decision to do IVF as you can see was one that brought many uncomfortable things to the surface. However, I do have a weird pattern of “not being ready” when it comes to life stages. In fact, before Sam proposed, I kept telling him I didn’t want to get married until my career was on track. He ended up proposing anyway and a new chamber of love unlocked in my heart that I didn’t even know existed. It was magical, and the timing was perfect.
Anyway, I am nervous but excited for this next journey. Sam has been so supportive through it all…and also, the women in my life really showed up over the past few weeks. I didn’t expect it at all, but their care made a world of difference. Thank you also to my doctors, nurses, and the medical team involved in getting us to the egg retrieval stage. Modern medicine and science is truly fascinating.
