Children visit their primary care provider an average of 31 times from birth to young adulthood. But if medical anxiety runs amuck, kids may associate pain and other unpleasant experiences with their healthcare provider (HCP), and refuse cooperation with examinations going forward.
We need to help kids of all ages mitigate their anxiety about medical appointments to invest in their long-term health. Naturopathic doctor Erin TeWinkel treats teens and families in her Chatham-Kent, Ontario, practice. She says, “By helping our kids feel informed, confident, and in control of their healthcare, parents and providers set them up for a lifetime of better health outcomes.”
Symptoms of anxiety in children
Worry and fear are common among young children. In fact, it is developmentally appropriate for older infants to be wary of strangers as they learn to differentiate between their familiar caregivers and other adults they meet.
Kids often use behaviour, rather than words, to communicate the emotions they feel. When your child feels afraid, helpless, or anxious, they may demonstrate aggression, withdrawal, lack of cooperation, and regression, such as bedwetting and thumb-sucking. Anxiety may also manifest in physical symptoms, like fatigue, headache, or stomachache.
Take these signs of anxiety as a cue to have an open conversation about your child’s feelings before going to the doctor.
Herbs to help quell anxiety
- chamomile
- lavender
- lemon balm
- passionflower
- valerian root
- ashwagandha
Model positive behaviour
Speak well about your own experiences of going to the doctor and the positive feelings associated with taking care of your health.
Don’t diminish your own feelings of anxiety related to medical visits; rather, model bravery by doing things that make you feel nervous yourself. Share coping techniques you might use to combat your own medical anxiety, such as deep breathing or box breathing.
When you bring your young child to the doctor, speak in soothing tones, smile, and display relaxed body language.
Advocate for your child’s health by asking questions of the doctor, and encourage your child to do the same. Ask the doctor to rephrase confusing language so your child can understand.
Prepare at home
Manage your child’s expectations about how the visit will go:
- Using age-appropriate language, explain what will happen at the doctor’s office. For older children, specify whether the visit will include physical exams, blood work, or vaccinations to alleviate fear of the unknown.
- Role-play with toy medical equipment so your young child becomes familiar with the appearance and function of a stethoscope, for instance.
- Watch kid-friendly videos about different types of doctor visits, for example, family doctor, dentist, and eye doctor.
- Have your child choose which activity they’d like to bring into the waiting room, and a comfort item they’d like with them during the visit.
- Encourage your child to think about what they’d like to learn about their body and what questions they’d like to ask their doctor.
- Tell your teen that you can step out of the room if they’d like to speak with their doctor privately.
Tips for during the visit
Your healthcare provider may be able to help your child feel less anxious and more empowered during their visit by implementing the CARE strategy, published in the World Journal of Clinical Pediatrics.
Choice: Offer power in a powerless environment
Your healthcare practitioner ()can let your child choose between two options to make them feel empowered, such as whether to listen to their heart or look into their ears first.
Having your HCP ask your child, “What questions do you have for me today?” can help your child feel like an active participant in the visit.
Agenda: The child knows what to expect and what is expected of them
Fear and anxiety creep in when we’re faced with the unknown. This may be mitigated if your HCP outlines the plan for your visit. For example, “We have 20 minutes today. I’ll start with asking you and your Mom some questions, then I’ll listen to your heart, lungs, and belly, and finally we’ll make a plan to help you feel better.”
Resilience: Highlight strengths and reframe negatives
If your HCP asks you about your child’s strengths and asks your child what they like most about their life, this can strengthen the parent-child bond and foster trust in the therapeutic relationship.
Discussing health concerns, such as bedwetting and ADHD, often stir up shame for child patients. Having your HCP ask your child open-ended questions such as “What would you like to be different?” can reframe internalized negative feelings.
Emotional support: Recognize and normalize common fears and responses
It’s normal to feel fearful and anxious during a healthcare visit. Having your HCP emotionally attune to your child, observing their emotions and validating them, can help foster trust and make your child feel safe.
Your HCP could share, for example, “I often feel nervous meeting new people, too” to put your child at ease at the beginning of the visit.
Your child’s healthcare team
Having a caring, understanding practitioner who is confident working with children can make your child’s medical experience a positive one. But given the shortage of primary care providers in Canada today, it is challenging enough just to pair your child with a family doctor.
With limited choice, look for a clinic with friendly front-end staff and an inviting physical environment, both of which can help your child feel at ease.
Consider filling the gaps in your child’s healthcare by seeking the services of allied health professionals, such as a naturopathic doctor, chiropractor, or osteopath. “Having a discovery session with a provider before diving into an initial appointment is a nice way to ‘catch a vibe’ and see if you would be comfortable working together,” recommends TeWinkel.
Then and now
When alive was founded 50 years ago, anxiety—in adults or children—was not treated or discussed the way it is today. It was not even mentioned in our first issue. Increased awareness about mental health has contributed greatly to our understanding of this complex issue. Here, Erin TeWinkel, ND, shares how medical visits have changed for children over the past 50 years:
Mental health
Anxiety, depression, and stress management are now central in primary care, rather than being overlooked.
Privacy and consent
Today’s teens have a greater understanding of their rights to confidentiality and consent, particularly for reproductive and mental health care.
Accessible care
Virtual appointments, text-based health services, and youth-friendly clinics make it easier to access care.
Less shame
Topics like sexual health and body image are now addressed with more openness and inclusivity.
This article was originally published in the August 2025 issue of alive magazine.
